Okay, y’all, listen up! I’m about to show you how to sew a one-piece swimsuit, and we are cutting ALL the corners. Forget that fancy tape measure nonsense. We’re going full-on vibes-only here. Think of it as sewing with a prayer and a whole lotta sass.

I’m Pastor Mysammich, and if I can wrangle a congregation AND a sewing machine, trust me, you can do this too.

The “Pattern” (and Why It’s Probably Crooked)

So, I made this “pattern” based on a swimsuit I already had. You can see me just *chunking* away at the fabric. I *meant* chopping, but let’s be real, sometimes words fail me. It’s okay, it’s all part of the charm, right? This method may not be the easiest or even recommended, but it will definitely make you laugh.

But before we go any further, I also added extra coverage on the back. I did this because some of y’all are shy about showing off your cheeks. You’re welcome.

Gather Your Weapons (and Maybe Say a Prayer)

First things first: Remove all distractions. Seriously. Lock the kids in another room, hide the snacks, and put your phone on airplane mode. We need focus here, people! (Confession: I accidentally bumped my Shayla in the video and felt terrible. I swear I’m a good person!)

Now, the secret sauce? Four-way stretch spandex. Why? Because honey, I need a little something to suck in my…assets. Let’s just say it provides a little extra support where it’s needed most.

Fabric: Four-way stretch spandex (the key to a forgiving fit!)
Sewing Machine: Hopefully yours is better behaved than mine.
Scissors: Sharp ones. Dull scissors are the devil’s playthings.
Pins: To hold everything in place while you fight with the sewing machine.
Trim: Because we need a little sparkle in our lives.

Sewing Like a Surgeon (Without the Med School Debt)

Okay, stack those pieces of fabric and let’s get started! Sew the straps along the side of…well, you know. I’m using a serger. But if you don’t have one, don’t sweat it. Just use your sewing machine. Do a straight stitch and stretch the fabric as you sew. It’s like giving your swimsuit a little hug.

Here’s the breakdown:

Straight Stitch: The workhorse of sewing.
Stretch and Sew: Don’t be shy, give that fabric a good tug!
Embrace the Imperfections: Because life isn’t perfect, and neither is your swimsuit.

Finishing Touches (and a Little Self-Love)

Next, fold over all the edges and add some trim. I’m doing a zigzag stitch. I max that mofo out! It’s a little extra reinforcement and adds a touch of glam. Trim off all the excess fabric and voila!

The Grand Reveal (and the Hustle)

Lay that bad boy on the ground, step back, and say, “Oh my god, who wants to buy this for $65?” (Okay, maybe adjust the price based on your fabric costs and how much wine you drank while sewing.)

But seriously, the point is, you MADE something! You took a pile of fabric and turned it into a swimsuit. That’s pretty damn impressive. You might also want to check out some cool sports-themed outfits before going to the beach.

Key Takeaways (From a Pastor Who Sews)

Don’t be afraid to improvise. Rules are meant to be broken, especially when it comes to sewing.
Embrace the imperfections. They add character.
Have fun! Sewing should be a joy, not a chore. If you’re not laughing, you’re doing it wrong.

Sewing, like faith, is about believing in yourself and creating something beautiful, even when you don’t quite know what you’re doing. And if you mess up? Well, that’s what seam rippers and margaritas are for.

Now go forth and sew! And may your stitches be straight and your curves be flattering. Amen. You might also want to check out what to wear for some local pride.

Keywords

Primary: Sewing swimsuit
Secondary: DIY swimsuit, Swimsuit tutorial, Sewing for beginners

video

I’m gonna show you how I sew this one piece swimsuitby cutting as many possible corners as I canwithout using a tape measureand going strictly off of vibes.I made that pattern from a one piece already had,but you can see me chunking.I meant chopping chunks, but also my ex is an idiot on this thing.Um, add some coverage on the backbecause some of you guys are scared to show some cheek.Remove all distractions in the area immediately.Um, I did accidentally bump my Shayla.I rewatch the video. I feel so bad.Anyways, I’m using a 4 way stretch spandexcause I need a little something to suck in my fat ass.Then you stack all those pieces and we’re gonna go.So let the straps along the side of the crack.I’m using a surgeon to do this.But you don’t even have a surgeon.And you don’t even know what a surgeon is.I’ll just use your sewing machine.Do a straight stitch, stretch it as you sew it.Um, fold over all the edges,then add some trim. I’m doing a zigzag stitch.I max that mofo out. Um,and then I go through and I trim the extra.I trim off the extraand then I lay it on the ground and I say oh my god,who want to buy this for $65?